J.D. Vance in His Own Words: The Vice-Cuck

We sat down with J.D. Vance over the weekend, we covered foreign policy, Trump, and Vance’s feelings on being the VP;

“I’m the worlds biggest cuck” he said, “I’m like the ‘Vice Cuck’ right now.” He is unusually uncomfortable sitting across from our correspondent, he tugs at the crotch section of his khakis, the pants appear to be a size too small. “I mean, the American people voted for me, and Donald just does whatever Elon tells him to do. Yesterday I saw them leaving for lunch together, I asked if I could join, and Elon was like ‘uhh dumb fat loser says what?’ so I was like ‘what?’ So then they laughed at me and high-fived. What the hell.” Vance buries his head in his hands, and sobs.

Our team tried to comfort him, but he reportedly “needed a minute or two.” After calming down he confided some critical anecdotes from the Oval Office, “I’m a smart guy right? I wrote a best-selling book, I brought it to Elon, he was like ‘oh cool dude you made a zine’ I’m like ‘no dude, it’s my NYTimes Best Selling Classic Hillbilly Elegy’. He pretended to not hear me and brushed me off with ‘yeah cool comic dude, keep drawing.’”

Vance ended the interview showing Trump had dodged 78 of his phone calls, he then told us “today is my birthday” and then left ubruptly.